you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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