did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Every concussion has its silver lining
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
