11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wish you could order shots online.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
this hospital has no fireball
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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