I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
