didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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