Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
