I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
