Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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