If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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