Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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