I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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