now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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