I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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