M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
