the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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