Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
