They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
