I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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