So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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