so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
