so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
