So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
