Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
