Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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