either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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