Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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