we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
