My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
