Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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