Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
