She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
