i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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