just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
