How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
