i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
