he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
