Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
