Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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