drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
