Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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