ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
