I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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