I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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