you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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