I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
