I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
All I want is dick and wine.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
