I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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