I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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