I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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