so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
