So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
