just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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