The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We're too hungover to prance.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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