he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
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