you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
