She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Im part way to drunk.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
