my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
