Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
